Thursday, April 15, 2004

"you're such a little girl!"
she exclaims to me, as if i wasn't in denial of the fact.
i look the other way, and down to the floor.
maybe i am.
but no, no wait
i'm not.
yes i am. i can't kid myself, even.
it's always the same, the same for me. i'm too old, i'm too young. she's so cute, she's so picturesque, she's so adorable. she's such a bitch, she's not THAT cute, she's so fucking self-centered.
"yeah, she hates you."
yeah, so does everyone. once it comes down to it, anyway.
let me tell you all a story about the way my life works, paraphrased from something bobbi
said about me.
after my great job at making first impressions, you'll be absolutely enamored with me for.. two months. and then, for two more months, you'll hate me with a passion and refuse to talk to me. and then, you find yourself missing me terribly, and end up craving my touch and meatless tacos. and then the cycle repeats.
it was the fist time i heard it out of someone's mouth
who mattered, anyway.
and it was true.
everyone hates me.
at least at some point.
as much as i hate mediocrity, i find myself wondering if maybe, in small to moderate doses, it would do me some good.
and then, there was that coment.
the one about trying to act afflicted.
i wanted to cry.
and down my throat, i felt those tears. even if they were defying gravity.

*bettie* at 9:57 AM